Stupid Motherhumping Computers!!!!
So computers, while fun and great, are peddled by the devil, and roll off of production lines of fire in hell, with their motherboards crafted in pure evil. You may think I'm exxagerating, and you might be right, but we all have to admit that there are times when we all feel this way. And during those times, we are certain we purchased our desktops and laptops from lucifer himself, wearing a Best Buy name tag, and his best "you just got fucked" grin.
See, about four years ago, Christa and I decided to buy our first brand new desktop. We (I) shopped around, and found that Dell offered some screaming deals. At the time, neither of us knew much about Dell, and although Christa and I were purchasing the computer together, she pretty much let me choose what to buy and from where. At the time, Christa wasn't much of a computer user, and I was still learning the ins and outs. For example, when I chose the components for the PC, I went with a 2.53 GHz processor (which isn't even bad by today's standards, and this was four years ago), but only 512MB of RAM. That's sort of akin to winning the 5 meter dash in the special olympics. Yeah, you were moderately fast, but you probably fell down once or twice, maybe cried a little, and likely wet your pants some.
After we'd had the desktop for awhile, Christa started to use it more and more, and we decided that sharing a computer was better left to couples over the age of 55, who are checking their e-mail, and retirement funds, then logging off. So after awhile, we went down to Best Buy, met up with Mephistopheles, and actually got a great laptop for Christa. I knew what to look for this time, and she picked out exactly what she wanted. We took it home, the desktop became mine, and all was peachy. For awhile...
Then, Phoebe decided to risk her life. If you don't know the story I'm talking about, you can click the link and read it on Christa's blog, she's a better storyteller, plus, she's already told it. We really thought that all hope was lost for that laptop, and ended up giving it to Christa's dad, since he had the spare cash to have it fixed. We painfully went back to sharing the desktop that I still have today.
We went on like that for a few months, when I decided that I wanted a laptop for Christmas. It was a long shot, and we knew we couldn't afford another laptop yet, but somehow, Christa's dad pulled out all of the stops, and tossed his credit card my way for the most expensive Christmas present I'd ever received. But, see, the way "Big Money" does things, is he says "yeah, sure", then just gives you cash, or a credit card, and lets you do your thing. Not that I'm complaining at all, but it helped it to feel like less of a Christmas gift, and more of an "I'm sorry you got the "about to get fucked" grin from Beezlebub's discount computer world" parting gift. Which was cool.
Having had an excellent experience with the Dell desktop, I decided to go with Dell for my notebook as well. I was able to get all of the options and accessories I wanted, for almost $400 less than any other manufacturer, using a coupon I found online. I even managed a to add a TV tuner card into the deal, still keeping it nearly $350 less than everywhere else. I was pleased, so I placed the order over the internet, entered the coupon information, smiled to myself about the price I'd gotten, and waited for my notebook to arrive. The next day, I got an e-mail about the order, detailing the specs, components, and price. The price was correct, but the specs weren't even close to what they should have been. This was the point at which I learned a very, very valuable lesson.
While Dell computers are affordable and somewhat reliable, Dell's customer support may as well be run by a large group of elementary school children, who have all failed 2nd grade three or four times, each get beaten for their lunch money daily, and have the largest axe in existence to grind with the entire planet of earth. Oh, and these children must all be located in India, connected to the call center hub by a tin can with an incredibly long string attached to it. Wait, maybe not string. Let's say thread, or dental floss. It's really, really bad.
So I called Dell, in an effort to have my order corrected. Without going into too many details, let's just say that I spent several hours out of each of the next three days being endlessly transferred, being talked to like a child, being ignored, and being hung up on. Then, on the third day, I'd had it. I was done. I had been told, finally, that there was no way, that even with a coupon, I would have been able to receive the price I was claiming to have gotten. I dug and dug and dug through forums, messageboards and anything else I could find, to locate Dell's corporate telephone number. Finally, I did. Then I called. After broken promises of callbacks, help, and pony rides from every other Dell rep I had spoken to, I was going over their heads. I left a message on the voicemail of some Dell corporate douchebag (I can't remember the name now), and had my call returned within an hour. Yelling, ranting, and threatening action with the Better Business Bureau got my point across. It also got my notebook shipped that day, for the price I was originally quoted, with free Next-Day Air shipping, and an upgraded Bluetooth network card. I wasn't as angry anymore.
The Notebook arrived by Christmas. the TV card arrived by February. Regardless, everything worked out pretty well until the September after the Christmas that it was purchased. A little over a year ago (the notebooks was roughly nine months old), the battery decided to stop working. I mean completely, like a redneck on unemployment. Within a week, the network card also stopped functioning. I called Dell and explained that I wanted the battery and the network card replaced under warranty, and that we were moving soon, and I wouln't be able to ship the system until we had settled in. I was assured that this was not a problem, and was sent a box to ship my notebook back to Dell's "depot" in, at "my convenience". I took down his name, and the ticket ID, and called it a day. After we'd gotten things situated after the move, I called Dell to let them know I was shipping the system back. They said that my warranty had expired, and that I was "unable to do that". I provided the rep's name and the ticket ID, and insisted that it was already given the go-ahead, and my original call had taken place before the warranty had expired. I was told, verbatim, "there is nothing that I can, or will do to help you sir." So I also explained to this new rep that "you are an idiot", and "I want to speak to your supervisor". After a better portion of the day on the phone, I was given the choice to have either the battery or the network card replaced, but not both, since they are already doing me this "service" as a "token or good faith", since the original "rep" could not be "identified", and the "ticket number" could not be "found". Well, Dell can "blow me". After a very long string of "unhelpful" bastards made me feel like I was stealing from them by having my crappy components that had failed while still under warranty replaced without charge, I was once again, angry. I then explained that "you will replace my network card, and the fan board, and I will accept defeat on the battery. You will do this immediately, and are an ass." Fast forward to today, and that notebook runs like Carl Lewis on meth. However, I stopped calling it a laptop, and now refer to it as a "red headed desktop step-child", due to the unreplaced battery.
Due to the fact that this post has gone on waaay longer than I had planned, I'm going to be brief on the next two pieces of the story, and will also create two new categories. "Storytime", and "Tangent", which this entry will be filed under. After I got the desktop step-child, Christa received her laptop back from her dad, after he had it fixed. He just didn't need it, and Christa missed it. All was well. Until this. So we bought a new laptop, which unfortunately came equipped with Windows Vista, which is to operating systems, what Michael Jackson is to human beings. Needless to say, Christa has her one-and-a-half laptops, and I have my one-and-a-half desktops. I think it's now safe to journey into the territory I originally meant to cover in this post...
The desktop is my big processor. I use it for tasks that need done quickly, and without much else going on. Burning DVDs, converting video files, etc. While the desktop step-child is my worker bee, used for many simultaneous tasks at once. My media suite of choice had begun acting wonky. I was using Roxio 9, and it just got funky, like George Clinton. I decided to upgrade to 10, and uninstalled 9. Halfway through 10's installation, my desktop completely froze. I couldn't get ANYthing to respond. All I could do was shut the whole system down. Long story short, I had a huge system crash, and had to restore last known good configuration, then run system restore. I lost a few hours by working on it, but I finally got Roxio 10 installed, without losing any data, and am very happy with it. I would recommend this software to anyone, as it's very handy. If anyone's interested, let me know, and I'll give you more information.
I haven't decided if this post was at all interesting, or just a boring history lesson. Either way, I'm posting again, and that's at least a step in the right direction.Here are a few shots of Roxio, all installed properly and working, check it out, it's very fancy software.
Main Screen
Audio Screen
Video Screen
Photo Screen
See, about four years ago, Christa and I decided to buy our first brand new desktop. We (I) shopped around, and found that Dell offered some screaming deals. At the time, neither of us knew much about Dell, and although Christa and I were purchasing the computer together, she pretty much let me choose what to buy and from where. At the time, Christa wasn't much of a computer user, and I was still learning the ins and outs. For example, when I chose the components for the PC, I went with a 2.53 GHz processor (which isn't even bad by today's standards, and this was four years ago), but only 512MB of RAM. That's sort of akin to winning the 5 meter dash in the special olympics. Yeah, you were moderately fast, but you probably fell down once or twice, maybe cried a little, and likely wet your pants some.
After we'd had the desktop for awhile, Christa started to use it more and more, and we decided that sharing a computer was better left to couples over the age of 55, who are checking their e-mail, and retirement funds, then logging off. So after awhile, we went down to Best Buy, met up with Mephistopheles, and actually got a great laptop for Christa. I knew what to look for this time, and she picked out exactly what she wanted. We took it home, the desktop became mine, and all was peachy. For awhile...
Then, Phoebe decided to risk her life. If you don't know the story I'm talking about, you can click the link and read it on Christa's blog, she's a better storyteller, plus, she's already told it. We really thought that all hope was lost for that laptop, and ended up giving it to Christa's dad, since he had the spare cash to have it fixed. We painfully went back to sharing the desktop that I still have today.
We went on like that for a few months, when I decided that I wanted a laptop for Christmas. It was a long shot, and we knew we couldn't afford another laptop yet, but somehow, Christa's dad pulled out all of the stops, and tossed his credit card my way for the most expensive Christmas present I'd ever received. But, see, the way "Big Money" does things, is he says "yeah, sure", then just gives you cash, or a credit card, and lets you do your thing. Not that I'm complaining at all, but it helped it to feel like less of a Christmas gift, and more of an "I'm sorry you got the "about to get fucked" grin from Beezlebub's discount computer world" parting gift. Which was cool.
Having had an excellent experience with the Dell desktop, I decided to go with Dell for my notebook as well. I was able to get all of the options and accessories I wanted, for almost $400 less than any other manufacturer, using a coupon I found online. I even managed a to add a TV tuner card into the deal, still keeping it nearly $350 less than everywhere else. I was pleased, so I placed the order over the internet, entered the coupon information, smiled to myself about the price I'd gotten, and waited for my notebook to arrive. The next day, I got an e-mail about the order, detailing the specs, components, and price. The price was correct, but the specs weren't even close to what they should have been. This was the point at which I learned a very, very valuable lesson.
While Dell computers are affordable and somewhat reliable, Dell's customer support may as well be run by a large group of elementary school children, who have all failed 2nd grade three or four times, each get beaten for their lunch money daily, and have the largest axe in existence to grind with the entire planet of earth. Oh, and these children must all be located in India, connected to the call center hub by a tin can with an incredibly long string attached to it. Wait, maybe not string. Let's say thread, or dental floss. It's really, really bad.
So I called Dell, in an effort to have my order corrected. Without going into too many details, let's just say that I spent several hours out of each of the next three days being endlessly transferred, being talked to like a child, being ignored, and being hung up on. Then, on the third day, I'd had it. I was done. I had been told, finally, that there was no way, that even with a coupon, I would have been able to receive the price I was claiming to have gotten. I dug and dug and dug through forums, messageboards and anything else I could find, to locate Dell's corporate telephone number. Finally, I did. Then I called. After broken promises of callbacks, help, and pony rides from every other Dell rep I had spoken to, I was going over their heads. I left a message on the voicemail of some Dell corporate douchebag (I can't remember the name now), and had my call returned within an hour. Yelling, ranting, and threatening action with the Better Business Bureau got my point across. It also got my notebook shipped that day, for the price I was originally quoted, with free Next-Day Air shipping, and an upgraded Bluetooth network card. I wasn't as angry anymore.
The Notebook arrived by Christmas. the TV card arrived by February. Regardless, everything worked out pretty well until the September after the Christmas that it was purchased. A little over a year ago (the notebooks was roughly nine months old), the battery decided to stop working. I mean completely, like a redneck on unemployment. Within a week, the network card also stopped functioning. I called Dell and explained that I wanted the battery and the network card replaced under warranty, and that we were moving soon, and I wouln't be able to ship the system until we had settled in. I was assured that this was not a problem, and was sent a box to ship my notebook back to Dell's "depot" in, at "my convenience". I took down his name, and the ticket ID, and called it a day. After we'd gotten things situated after the move, I called Dell to let them know I was shipping the system back. They said that my warranty had expired, and that I was "unable to do that". I provided the rep's name and the ticket ID, and insisted that it was already given the go-ahead, and my original call had taken place before the warranty had expired. I was told, verbatim, "there is nothing that I can, or will do to help you sir." So I also explained to this new rep that "you are an idiot", and "I want to speak to your supervisor". After a better portion of the day on the phone, I was given the choice to have either the battery or the network card replaced, but not both, since they are already doing me this "service" as a "token or good faith", since the original "rep" could not be "identified", and the "ticket number" could not be "found". Well, Dell can "blow me". After a very long string of "unhelpful" bastards made me feel like I was stealing from them by having my crappy components that had failed while still under warranty replaced without charge, I was once again, angry. I then explained that "you will replace my network card, and the fan board, and I will accept defeat on the battery. You will do this immediately, and are an ass." Fast forward to today, and that notebook runs like Carl Lewis on meth. However, I stopped calling it a laptop, and now refer to it as a "red headed desktop step-child", due to the unreplaced battery.
Due to the fact that this post has gone on waaay longer than I had planned, I'm going to be brief on the next two pieces of the story, and will also create two new categories. "Storytime", and "Tangent", which this entry will be filed under. After I got the desktop step-child, Christa received her laptop back from her dad, after he had it fixed. He just didn't need it, and Christa missed it. All was well. Until this. So we bought a new laptop, which unfortunately came equipped with Windows Vista, which is to operating systems, what Michael Jackson is to human beings. Needless to say, Christa has her one-and-a-half laptops, and I have my one-and-a-half desktops. I think it's now safe to journey into the territory I originally meant to cover in this post...
The desktop is my big processor. I use it for tasks that need done quickly, and without much else going on. Burning DVDs, converting video files, etc. While the desktop step-child is my worker bee, used for many simultaneous tasks at once. My media suite of choice had begun acting wonky. I was using Roxio 9, and it just got funky, like George Clinton. I decided to upgrade to 10, and uninstalled 9. Halfway through 10's installation, my desktop completely froze. I couldn't get ANYthing to respond. All I could do was shut the whole system down. Long story short, I had a huge system crash, and had to restore last known good configuration, then run system restore. I lost a few hours by working on it, but I finally got Roxio 10 installed, without losing any data, and am very happy with it. I would recommend this software to anyone, as it's very handy. If anyone's interested, let me know, and I'll give you more information.
I haven't decided if this post was at all interesting, or just a boring history lesson. Either way, I'm posting again, and that's at least a step in the right direction.Here are a few shots of Roxio, all installed properly and working, check it out, it's very fancy software.
Main Screen
Audio Screen
Video Screen
Photo Screen
Posted on Sunday, October 7, 2007 at 09:00AM
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Ctrl+Alt+Destroy
in Ranting, Storytime, Tangent
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Reader Comments (3)
And that is precisely why I bought a Mac. Dell has the worst customer service I have ever experienced in my life. I want to kill them.
A big fat Hollah to Dotty, because clearly MAC's are by far the superior computer being, and even though you do pay more up front, you end up saving more in the long run as I have NEVER had three day phone calls to customer support in four and a half years despite the crazy things I do, like stripping the entire operating system down to nothing just to rename the hardrive which bore the name of an ex husband... dot dot dot...
I'm not going to jump in on the "buy a Mac" bandwagon, but Dell IS from the devil.