Okay, so, I had planned to post this yesterday, for more impact (lol), but didn't get around to it until today. I wasn't sure if I wanted to rant on this, or West Virginia electricity, but I decided to go with this, since I'd have to wait a month to talk about it again.

Every month, I promise myself that I won't go into town on the 1st, and every month, I end up having to do it anyway. No amount of preparedness can seem to keep items like coffee, half & half, sugar, or tea on hand to get us through just this one day. It's almost like some kind of freak curse. I think I might be getting a bit ahead of myself, let me explain...

West Virginia must have an extraordinarily efficient system for processing welfare, unemployment, social security, and whatever other federal programs exist for those that are injured, unemployed, old, or otherwise just lazy, because every single on of these crazies are out with check in hand, exactly on the first, every month. Let me also explain that while 90% of our community is comprised of fat or obese people, it also offers no shortage of elderly, unemployed, and lazy people. I would be comfortable estimating that around 70% of the town can be considered "elderly", which at least to some degree, is terrifying. I mention all of this because beginning at around 7am on the first of any given month, it begins. All of the old, fat, lazy, broken people of our community all flood into town with their state check in hand. They're at the grocery store, buying dog food, at the gas station buying beer and lottery tickets, and at the hardware store buying chainsaws. I'm not sure how common the chainsaw thing is, but I've seen it happen, man. Now, I know it seems like I'm generalizing here, but in a town our size, you get to know people, and you learn which are the people that only see the light of day on the first of the month. Plus, I'm okay with generalizing in this context, it's not like I'm writing an encyclopedia entry, or putting together a census. So because of all of these facts, I loathe going into town on the first day of any month. For example, yesterday, on August 1st, I waited in line nearly 20 minutes at the gas station to overpay for a tank of gas, while ten (I counted) jackasses bout 24 packs of Budweiser and Coors Light, and two more redneck yahoos checked their lottery ticket stashes against the current winning numbers. I guess $13,000,000 would buy a LOT of Coors Light and Redman tobacco. Then, at the grocery store, the time spent waiting in line to buy two quarts of half and half was likely long enough to have finished the book I'm currently reading, if only I had thought to bring it.

"No, sir, for the fourth time, you cannot buy cigarettes with these food vouchers."

So you're probably wondering (or maybe you're not) why I keep referring to our home as a "town", and not a "city"? I've played Sim City a few times, and if I remember correctly, Sim City states that a town has a population under 2,000, while a city, has a population from 2,001 to , um, something higher, if I remember correctly. Although we're all aware that Sim City is the authority on these types of issues, I've dug up some actual facts as well. As you can see here, the population of Webster Springs (Addison) in the year 2000, was 808. Staggering, isn't it? You'll also see that in 2000, nearly 10% of the population is "unemployed". There are many interesting facts about our home. Most of them are pleasant, and are part of why we moved here. There are a few, however, that are just crazy. Look at this:


So much for our kids understanding diversity, huh? I've been meaning to write up a comparison between California, and here, but that's for another time, as that will be a long post, all in itself.

To summarize, next month, I will be grocery shopping with a full tank of gas on the 28th. Keeping with the theme of the post, I've uploaded a short video I took, while driving from one end of town to the other last month. It covers the following area:



It's a small trip from the hardware store in Cherry Falls (the next town over), to the gas station, to the grocery store, then home. Enjoy...

So let me begin with a short checklist.

1. You have children?
Check.
2. The humidity of the location in which we live is frequently above 80%?
Check.
3. Due to the above fact, your children are naked more than 30% of the time?
Check.
4. While naked, your children do funny, amusing, and/or otherwise entertaining things?
Check.
5. Would you like to share these funny, endearing moments with family and friends?
Check.
6. You cannot share these moments with family and friends because disgusting, abhorrent, abominable, pathetic, despicable, detestable, loathsome, lousy, low, nasty, odious, rotten, vile, wretched, contemptible, foul, repugnant motherfuckers will look at your children in a horrible, unforgivable, inappropriate way?
C.H.E.C.K.

Although that pretty much sums it up, it still pisses me off to a level that makes me shaky. Yes, I am aware that the internet is the most abundant place for all things informational, educational, and entertaining, and that if you don't want something accessible to anyone that you shouldn't put it there... but really? I mean, there's really this many of these pricks? Example: When I post a video onto YouTube, I generally don't see more than a hundred views, tops. Well, last night, before I went to bed, I posted a video of Charlie in the bath, because it was cute, and it was funny. This morning, I showed Christa another video I had just finished editing. It caused her to remember the bathtime video that I had shown her last night, and she mentioned that I might want to make it a private video, something I hadn't even considered, due to the lack of thought that I give to child pornography. When I logged in to change the permissions, I nearly vomited with rage and disgust, finding that the video had already seen over 200 views. I just can't wrap it around my head.

Unfortunately, YouTube's privacy features aren't very attractive unless everyone that you want to share the video with has a YouTube account, and is one of your contacts. For instance... My dad does not have a YouTube account, because the only thing he ever watches there (to my knowledge) is videos of my kids. So, for him to bhe able to see this particular video, he'd have to create an account, and become one of my contacts for it to be viewable. That's a lot of trouble to go through for a four-minute video. It'd make more sense to me if YouTube enable a password protection for private videos. That way, you could give the password to anyone who you know isn't some freak-ass perv. Although I guess YouTube couldn't generate new accounts that way.

So, in closing, if you're interested in the new video of Charlie, and aren't one of my contacts on YouTube, you'll have to become one if you want to see it. Yeah, blame the perverts. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have to do stuff like this:

So computers, while fun and great, are peddled by the devil, and roll off of production lines of fire in hell, with their motherboards crafted in pure evil. You may think I'm exxagerating, and you might be right, but we all have to admit that there are times when we all feel this way. And during those times, we are certain we purchased our desktops and laptops from lucifer himself, wearing a Best Buy name tag, and his best "you just got fucked" grin.

See, about four years ago...

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